Reduce Unnecessary Apologies
Save 'sorry' for genuine mistakes, not for having ideas, asking questions, or existing.
What & why
Excessive apologizing creates a paradox: apologies exist to repair social bonds after a wrong, so using them without cause can imply you believe you've transgressed, leading listeners to wonder what went wrong. Self-perception theory suggests that repeatedly apologizing may also shape your own self-concept, nudging you to internalize the belief that your ideas or needs are a burden. Research suggests chronic over-apologizers are often read as less competent rather than more polite, and the apology becomes a status signal that invites others to treat you accordingly.
Before & after
“Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if maybe you could help me with something?”
“Do you have a few minutes? I'd appreciate your input on something.”
When you’ll use it
Starting emails with 'Sorry for the delay' when the delay was reasonable
Saying 'Sorry to interrupt' when you have relevant information
Apologizing before asking questions in meetings
Using 'Sorry' as a filler word when changing topics
Pro tip
Replace 'Sorry to bother you' with 'Thank you for your time.' Gratitude is confident; unnecessary apology is not.
Questions & answers
When should I actually apologize?
What should I say instead of 'sorry'?
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